It’s Mental Health Awareness Month and this post is going to be a behind-the-scenes view of how I’ve recovered from dark seasons, deep depression and anxiety, and healing from what caused those things. What I share is not a “prescription” of what to do when you’re struggling, but is rather an example of what I have done to improve my mental strength. Please know that everyone is different in their own journey, and you should always seek the counsel and help of a trained therapist or doctor to find what’s right for you.

Why I’m Sharing My Story

One of my favorite authors, Hannah Brencher, shared on her social media, “If you’ve moved through hell and back, fighting for your mental health, never stop testifying. Never belittle your story. We need to know your story. We need to know people are coming out of the woods. We need to know where the light pours through the cracks.” Amen, Hannah.

This post is me sharing my story because there are not enough people talking about the real stuff:

• The struggle of getting out of bed in the morning, or any time of day.
• The exhaustion that plagues you with depression and anxiety, but not being able to sleep well or enough.
• The not being able to tell what’s real versus what your mind is telling you clouded by pain and suffering.
• The being unable to do anything but focus on one task at a time because your body and mind are in survival mode.
• The feeling of everything being harder and harming relationships because you’re not yourself. You might not even know who you are, which is the scariest part.

What You Need to Hear

First of all, I’ve been there. Simply put, I’ve had a rollercoaster of mental health challenges in the last few years. Although I could never name it, I’ve actually been struggling my whole life with many of these things, but wasn’t aware of them until recently. In the last couple of years, I’ve had two deep depressive episodes that were scarier than I ever could have imagined. I’ve dealt with chronic stress since I was in kindergarten, which has caused me to spend most of my life in survival mode. This showed up as me overreacting or being easily triggered or upset, having difficulty relaxing, and struggling to make decisions. That stress coupled with anxiety took over my life, and I masked it all as busyness because chaos was all that I knew. I couldn’t and didn’t want to slow down enough to really get to know myself. That felt foreign and scary. The anxiety turned into depression, and showed up in a way that impacted my deepest relationships, so I knew I had to address them differently, which started my journey of healing that I am so thankful to be on today.

Secondly, you are more than the struggle you’re in. Your worst season does not define you. There is more to your story, and you are stronger than you know. And because of this, you can get out of it. It won’t be easy, but you are worth every effort of trying to live a life where you feel peace, calm, and joy. You will have to do a lot of hard work and look in the mirror in a way you’ve never had to do before. And you will have to address your relationships in a way that feels wildly uncomfortable. That’s how you get to designing the life you want.

And lastly, there are so many tools and resources that can help you. I know people talk about that all the time, but sometimes it feels incomprehensible to actually know what exists or can help. I want to share what has helped me in my journey, but know that this might not work for you. Feel free to share the below list with any friends or loved ones who may be looking for a way to build their mental strength, and I encourage you to think about how you’re taking care of yourself this week, this month, and every day.

How I’ve Built Mental Strength & Overcome Struggles

1. Addressing what I believe, my “core wounds,” and my trauma

The first eight years of your life have a profound impact on you. No matter how glorious your childhood felt, there are some things that probably have stuck with you and put “GPS pins” or left marks in your brain and body about how to respond. Our adult responsibility is to address those things as they are probably impacting your relationship with yourself and others. Once I named these wounds and beliefs, I instantly felt a change in my body and mind, and I’ve been working to heal them through affirmations, subconscious programming (thanks to resources below), and therapy.

The most helpful resources I’ve used related to this:

• You Can Heal with Us – Micro-Healing Membership Community
• Personal Development School (PDS) courses based on my attachment style
• Podcast Episodes:
  • Frank Anderson on The School of Greatness
  • Gabor Mate on The Mel Robbins Podcast
  • Bruce Perry on The Oprah Podcast
  • Dr. Thema Bryant on The Oprah Podcast
  • Thais Gibson on The Mel Robbins Podcast
• Therapy – in-person has been more in-depth than online for me, but both are helpful!

2. Regulating your nervous system

As I mentioned above, your body is programmed to respond in certain ways based on your past experiences and reactions. Sometimes our brains don’t actually know if something is happening in the present or the past, so we can react in a way that has nothing to do with the current circumstance. What we need to do is to be mindful, or as Dr. John Delony says, “create space between what happens and what we choose to do next.” But the first step is to be aware of what we’re feeling in the moment, naming it, and then making a choice of how to react. This has been so hard for me because I’ve run from the present for so long, but it’s one that I think will change my life.

The most helpful ways I’ve worked on this:

• Breathing work – box breathing or simply just taking deep breaths and noticing it
• You Can Heal with Us Co-Regulation Course
• Starting each day with intentional quiet time and stretching, not touching screens until after I’ve observed how I actually feel
• Vagus Nerve Work – I like these cards to give practical tips on how to reset your nervous system using a powerful nerve in your body called the vagus nerve
• Practicing stillness each day, not allowing myself to think about anything other than just being present and looking around the room, and observing what I see. That’s it. I’ve started with 5 minutes a day, and am working up in 5 minute increments.
• Pausing when I feel an emotional reaction, noticing how I feel, and being cognizant of what I do next. Later on, I ask myself what I am making this situation to mean about me or what I’m afraid of to process further.

3. Building a routine that proactively builds mental resilience

Our approach to mental health should not just be reactive and waiting for bad things to happen before we address them. We need to cultivate a life that supports the person we want to be, and for me, that’s healed, connected, and safe. In order to become that person and have the most meaningful relationships, I have to design a schedule and life that lifts me up, addresses how I’m really feeling, and helps me improve.

Here are some of the ways I try to build a mentally strong life proactively:

• Connect with at least one person a day in-person or on the phone, and plan time in advance with friends, especially in difficult seasons (I make time for it, especially when I’m busy)
• Start my day quietly and calmly to set the tone for a connected and safe day
• Journal before bed to get my thoughts out of my mind & remind myself that I am not my thoughts
• Make a commitment to myself to exercise or move my body at least 15-30 minutes every day, and schedule it so it’s a part of my week
• Surround myself with uplifting content – music, books, and podcasts
• Limit screen time – if we doom scroll, this can lead to increased feelings of isolation/loneliness, which is the opposite of what I want
• Plan a no-phone day once a month so I am not wrapped up in what others expect of me, I can get in touch with myself, and I remove myself from what others expect or need from me (this is hard as a recovering people pleaser)
• Therapy – this doesn’t have to be an emergency tool, it’s very normal to see a therapist as more of a proactive approach, and I find that often things pop up that I want to talk about after I schedule the next appointment
• Plan for simple things to do when I don’t feel like doing anything – it could be a chore around the house or someone to text when having a hard day. As a past therapist has told me, we  only heal through action, and thinking about something will keep us stuck there.
• Try to identify or name feelings and needs as they come up – this will make it easier to vocalize them to others

The Most Important…Back to Basics

I know I’ve shared a lot of resources and advice above. However, the one thing I want you to walk away with from this post is that going back to the basics can be the most important way to take care of yourself in a mentally challenging season. I know what it’s like to be in survival mode and to not be able to focus on anything but the next moment. It’s SO hard. Even when it feels like you can’t control anything, focus on the small things that will bring you health and well-being, even if it’s in tiny ways:

• Eat well. Our gut impacts our mental health in a profound way. Have healthy snacks at home or frozen food that you can heat up that has some protein and nutrients in it to make it easier for you when you don’t want to make a decision or feel up to cooking.
• Move your body for 15-30 minutes a day. Walking can be incredible for you and gets you out of your head, if even just for a little bit.
• Talk to someone you love. It’s okay if you can’t be there for them in a way you normally are or want to be. It’s alright if you don’t respond to the text for a while. So many mental struggles have roots in shame or loneliness, which can evaporate the more we’re honest and in community with others. Do whatever you can to get in touch and have a conversation with someone who means a lot to you.
• Get some sunlight. It can increase the production of serotonin in your brain, which can make you feel better and happier.
• Prioritize sleep. If you’re not getting enough, that could be depriving your body of the rest it needs to fight off the stressors you’re facing. You’ll need different amounts of sleep in different seasons, but it’s always crucial.

No matter how you’re feeling about yourself, your life, or your relationships, please believe me when I say that I am confident you are strong enough to get through anything that you want to. It does not make you weak to ask for help. It is not taboo to try any of the above tools or resources. It is not silly to force yourself to move your body or get sunlight for a few minutes every day. YOU are worth prioritizing, spending money on, and putting intentional effort towards. So many people love you and are rooting for you, including me.

I wish you the best in this season, and hope you can share your honest mental health journey with others so we can all heal and support each other. 💛

Next steps:

• What’s one thing you can do for your mental health today?
• What is something you love to do that can be a go-to activity when you’re having a hard day?
• Share this with a friend who may need some encouragement on their healing journey.