If you know me, you know that I strongly dislike math. Maybe it was the unfortunate large number of awful math teachers I had growing up (with a few exceptions) or it just isn’t for me in general, but I do know that I will do absolutely anything to not do math problems.

As I was procrastinating doing the math I needed to complete, I stumbled upon a video on YouTube of a National FFA Officer from 2012-2013 giving his retiring address at the 2013 National Convention. I have no experience with FFA but I had always wanted to be a part of it, but since I never could, I only heard about the program from my friends. (Shout-out to our awesome State Officer Team in Maryland this year who I’ve been lucky enough to work with through the Miss MD Agriculture Program! You guys make me wish I was in FFA, keep up the good work!)  Of course, the speech was so amazing and math was so dreadfully awful that I decided to watch more of the Officers’ speeches. I was blown away at how inspirational they were. I even got chills during a few of them, and that doesn’t happen often with me. My mom cries at commercials, but I got my dad’s side of the emotional spectrum and didn’t even cry at The Notebook, so you know these were impeccable speeches. Each one was about 20 minutes and revolved around service to others, a major theme in every FFA member’s life. Although I haven’t been in FFA before, I could relate very well to that theme, especially with my involvement in 4-H, Girl Scouts and other activities. Yes, every single video had me wanting to go and do something for others at the very second it ended, but there was something in particular about one speech that hit me hard in a way I could’ve never expected. Brennan Costello, the 2012-2013 National FFA Central Region Vice President, discussed bravery. He contrived asking a girl to dance in there and then talked about not doing things in a big or flamboyant way, but in a brave way- a way that makes you go out of your comfort zone to help those around you. Yes, that’s remarkable, but what he said next hit home to me.

If you haven’t heard the speech, which I’m sure none of you hate math as much as I do therefore you probably haven’t, please watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ia_0MoL1cU

If you don’t have time to watch the whole thing, skip to about 17:13 and listen until the end.

Again, if you know me, you’ve thought of me as “the girl who does everything,” and I’m not denying that nor am I ashamed of loving to be involved. From day one, I have loved leadership and everything it encompasses. I love that you can gain so much from experiences that leadership positions can give you. So, starting in elementary school, I joined as many clubs as I could, I was in the chorus and in band. I loved helping my teachers and classmates and just wanted to do everything. I genuinely wanted to be involved. Move on to middle school, probably the most uncomfortable stage of my life (and many will agree with me on middle school being quite awful for everyone), where I was in most clubs. Heck, I even wanted to do sports I didn’t even like very much. I wanted to be on a team and have friends in all areas of school. I wanted to help people in any way. I don’t even have the words for how I wanted to be involved. I guess you could say that I didn’t want to miss anything, but that doesn’t even cover it. Everything interested me and I liked people so I assume that’s what fueled my heavy involvement throughout my elementary, middle and high school days. I remember forming great friendships with my teachers in middle school and people thought I was a suck-up (this still holds true to this day, but I enjoy my elders if you didn’t catch that from my blog post on my elders). Our librarian, Mr. Ballweber, was the advisor for our school newspaper, which I was the Co-Editor in Chief of. He believed in me and pushed me to try more but to stay myself. He was one of the first fantastic relationships I would form throughout my life with a teacher.

So then high school came. Before I even got to NDP, I was looking at the website seeing what I could get into. I did my research and basically only eliminated about 5 clubs. Well, that remained true until my graduation. I was in most clubs at NDP; I did everything. Because of getting so into 4-H and always having something to do, I never really thought about doing anything differently. My heavy involvement got me the Blair Leadership Scholarship, so I figured I’d keep on keeping on. Jumping into so many things felt natural. I wanted to do Student Council because I thought that was what ideal leadership was. I wanted to do the Environmental Club because that was where my interest was. I wanted to do CCAP (Christian Community Awareness Program) to help people. I wanted to do Club Umoja to work with inner city children. I wanted to do Baking Club, because, well, who wouldn’t? I even wanted to be in our Athletic Association because it would be “cool.” At NDP I was in most organizations and no, I don’t say that to be cocky, it’s the truth. Ask someone in my grade, they’ll tell you that I was on the morning announcements A LOT. But I loved everything I did as a leader at NDP from organizing 2012 Prom Breakfast to hosting a largely successful Earth Week to our Women in Leadership Week. I accomplished a lot. Or did I?

Going back to Brennan’s speech, he talks about his accomplishments and how his high school experience could fit into a box. That’s what hit me and that’s why I’m writing this blog. I did so much in high school because it’s who I am, but was I unconsciously trying to rack up achievements? I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few days thinking about this. I have incredible support from family and friends, even beyond, and they’re constantly telling me I’m doing a great job or I’m “going places,” whatever that means. But just because I had a few titles in high school doesn’t mean I did anything of substance or very meaningful. Now stop right there and don’t think this is a post degrading myself or even the opposite. It’s a self-reflection that I think is important for all of us to go through. It’s changing my college experience as I’m writing this.

What did I do in high school? I had an unweighted GPA over 3.8, was in 4 honors societies, managed Varsity Softball, was in the Concert Band, received an awesome scholarship and graduated as a member of at least 9 clubs, and a president of 2. I was in 6 different 4-H groups/organizations, was a Dairy Princess at the regional and state level, became a member of the Highland Presbyterian Church congregation and was a homeroom representative for multiple organizations. I traveled to Italy, Canada and other places in the U.S. I was a Girl Scout, an Opinion Editor for the NDP online newspaper and a member of the 2013 Song Committee for Gym Meet. I did a lot of community service, including going to Starkville, Mississippi for a Habitat for Humanity trip. On top of it all, I worked on the farm and with my parents for Hawks Hill Creamery, and continued with my 4-H projects. How am I alive, you may be asking yourself, but let me tell you, it wasn’t always easy. I was always grateful to do things for people, but if you couldn’t tell from above, it got to be a lot at times. My mom consistently asked me to slow down and to prioritize, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to at all.

Here I am at Virginia Tech, eager to join about 5 more organizations than I can handle. I’m in 2, applying for 2 more and am thinking about possibly rushing next year. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. After listening to Brennan’s speech, however, I don’t think I want to. What I listed above was my résumé. That can fit in a box. My high school career could fit in a box. I know through what I listed, I did things that can’t be measured. I did a lot of community service and that’s what I’m proud of. My Dairy Princess reign has lead me to where I want to go in the future. It has helped me figure out who I am, and that can’t be put in a box.

But looking back, I would do it differently. I wouldn’t strive to do anything and everything. I would focus on a few things and learn to not be a part of something. It would have been hard, but it would’ve been fairer to the organizations I was in. I honestly can’t point a finger on why I was always striving for leadership positions and titles, but it’s what I did. I’ve already learned in college that it’s about stepping back and being involved in your own way, not in a way where everyone can see you. I have understood this idea about leadership for years but for some reason I never applied it to this part of my life. Now I’m stepping back, I’m committing myself to organizations I know I can be a strong member of. I’m going to make sure that my college career (and beyond) isn’t just things and accomplishments I aim for, even if it is unconsciously. I want my college career to be the friends I make, the daily experiences I have and the education I receive. If I work my way up along the way, I’ll do it much more consciously.

Because of Brennan, I’ve realized that my life is so much more than what I thought. It’s about being my own brave person in a way I never pictured it. I want to make my life one for others as Brennan puts it. I’m going to be brave and “stop trying to build trophy cases and start trying to build people.” From here on out, I’m going to be me and I’m going to stand up for a brave lifestyle, starting with joining Collegiate FFA here at VT and finally becoming a part of the program I’ve aspired to be in for years. How will you be brave in your own way? Think about it, you’ll be grateful you did.