We often consider networking to be “Operation: Secure a Job/Internship,” especially when we’re at conferences or professional events. We’ve been led to believe that the true reason we need to connect with other people, especially in the professional sense, is for us to get something from them – and that “something” is typically a job opportunity, whether it’s now or in 5 years.

After years of professional development experiences as an eager college student, young professional, and now a HR and talent professional, I have learned that the value of networking lies in both making authentic connections and learning from and about others. There is so much that we can learn from others if we open our eyes and hearts to look beyond just what they do for a living. However, it seems that in most cases, we’ve been conditioned to believe that work is where it starts and stops. For example, I often find myself asking new acquaintances what their job is or where they work within the first few minutes of meeting them. Or when someone meets me for the first time, they see I manage early talent programs and only ask me about internships or job opportunities for them. I know I’m not alone in this since it’s an easy habit that Americans have taught ourselves. But what if I told you there’s more?

There is tremendous value in learning from others’ perspectives, thought processes, and lived experiences. There is so much to the world that we can’t even conceptualize because we simply haven’t interacted with it yet, so it’s important that we glean as much as we can from people in our lives and that we make the most of our connections, especially those outside of the workplace. You can do this through formal mentorship programs, volunteering with others, attending local or community events, participating in conferences, or having genuine conversations wherever you are. All you need in order to grow an expansive network that can add tremendous value to your life is a pair of tools: 1) a willingness to listen and 2) a purple pocket knife question. 

1. One of the most important tools you can ever have and utilize in life is a willingness to listen. This proves that you’re interested and invested in other people and ideas, you’re willing to learn something (aka you don’t know everything), you respect who you’re speaking with and their thoughts, and you’re present and in-the-moment with others. These are all critical in building trusting relationships with others, and quite frankly, it makes you more fun to interact and converse with. 
   
   When you enter any conversation, you should be prepared to make the conversation NOT about you – ask questions to get to know the other person, but don’t stop there. Be ready to receive whatever they’re going to say, understand that, and respond if/when necessary. Don’t be armed only with things you want to say or ask, then dub the conversation “over” once you’ve done that. Allow the conversation to flow in a way that makes sense and is respectful of both of your ideas and experiences.

2. I have a favorite everyday tool that also fits into my “toolbox” of skills that I use in my professional life frequently. My dad gave me my first pocket knife when I was younger, and it was purple (one of my favorite colors). It was special to receive that gift from my dad, and I still use the knife often. What I love about a pocket knife is that it’s useful more days (and ways) than not and it can be carried with you anywhere just by fitting into your pocket, so it’s always ready to use. I also love that my pocket knife is purple because I can tell that it’s unique to me and something with a little bit of personality. 
   
   What I equate my purple pocket knife to is a go-to question to use in networking to get to know other people better. When we’ve been conditioned to go straight to what we do for a living and ask others how they might be able to help us, I reach into my pocket and ask a question that goes deeper than that and helps cultivate genuine conversation. For me, I always go to “Who would play you in a movie about your life?” since I think that question transcends ages and experiences (and is a lot of fun to discuss), so that’s my purple pocket knife question. I also always have a couple other fun questions to bring up for a dinner or reception conversation so I can get to know other people better.
   
   I can tell you from a student or job seeker perspective, having a ready-to-go question helps ease some nerves since you always have something to fall back on during awkward pauses or in general when anxiety is high (which is normal for networking environments since they can be intimidating). I can also tell you from the recruiter’s perspective, it’s refreshing to have a conversation with someone outside of “What jobs are available at your company?” and I will remember the unique question a lot better than if we just talked about what I can do for you. I don’t mind if the conversation ends with that specific ask, and I don’t mind if you are curious about my line of work or how I got to my current role…I truly prefer for our conversation to be about how we can connect rather than just what I can do for you. 
   
   Here are examples of some other “purple pocket knife questions” you can keep with you for networking or meeting new people:

Work-Related Networking Questions

• What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced in your career so far?
• What made you choose this career or line of work?
• What’s the best part of your job?
• What does a typical day at your job look like?
• How do you stay informed about your industry?
• What has changed most about this field/industry since you started?

Non-Work Related Networking Questions

• What’s the best book you’ve ever read?
• What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? Or ever given?
• What high school or college class do you wish you could go back and take again?
• What would be your “walk-up” song if you were a professional baseball player?
• If you could be great at any Olympic sport, which would it be?
• If you could be a part of any fictional family, what would it be?

It might be challenging to branch out from what feels is the norm when it comes to networking (and quite frankly, it might seem silly), but what you gain from doing that is deeper connections, a unique personal brand (you stand out in a room), and stronger social skills. All of these prove the fact that you aren’t just there for what you can get from someone but rather what you can also give, and it’s from that belief that your network and legacy will continue to grow more and more over time.

What’s most important for you to remember is that building relationships with other people is the goal in networking. This means that short-term focused conversations won’t benefit you in the long-term. Keep an open mind during networking events or conversations, contribute to the conversation before you ask the other person for something in return, and aim for authentic connection. 

Now it’s your turn. What’s your purple pocket knife question? Can’t wait to hear it someday.

BONUS: If you’re interested in why a strong network is so important, how to break through the anxiety of going to networking events, and how to manage your network, check out this podcast with my friend & role model, Mark Stewart, CEO of Agriculture Future of America (AFA).