As someone who has started her career within the last 10 years, learning how to plan vacation days has been a struggle for me. I grew up on a dairy farm where there were no days off, so the concept of being able to step away from work has always been a bit odd to me. However, even deeper than my agricultural roots, I struggle with wanting to do a quality job at work, and that desire has hindered my ability to take vacation like I have always needed. Therefore, I found myself using a day or two every four months or so, but mostly revolving around trips to see friends or weddings I needed to travel for. 

In a previous job, as I got more overwhelmed with my role and responsibilities, I started to do a more intentional job of planning time off. This usually started with a Friday once in a while to have a long weekend, and then I got better at taking a random Tuesday (or another weekday) off to have a self-care or mental health day. 

Fast forward to me now, where I finally feel like I have a grasp on why vacation is important, how to plan for it, and that it’s truly okay to check out of work and not be available on a day off. This has been a work in progress and I still have a long way to go. But there is one very key piece of my growth in this space that I’d like to share with you in hopes that you start to take your self-care and vacation seriously…the idea of a solo retreat. 

I describe a solo retreat as a trip you take for yourself solely for yourself, with no commitments outside of your relaxation and rest. This is a designated time for you to do what you’d like, not have to take care of others, and relax. It can be in a place of your choice – wherever you feel most at peace and connected to yourself. It can be for however long you feel is appropriate. The goal is for you to get in-tune with what you’re feeling, rest in whatever way you need physically/mentally/emotionally, and enjoy yourself. This means that you’re prioritizing yourself over your family, friends, work, and other responsibilities. Before I explain my top tips on planning a solo retreat, let me address what you might be thinking about why this is important.

For the recovering people pleasers like me, this might sound either awful and/or impossible because your life revolves around others. I get that. But I’m here to tell you that having a designated time once a year (or more, if needed) for you to take care of yourself in a very intentional way can be a game changer. I have done this for the past two years in the same location, and I have come back feeling like a new version of myself. The first year, I felt guilty for turning my phone off and being unavailable to the people in my life because I had never done that before. The second time, I looked forward to the trip with anticipation of being completely in-tune with how I’m doing, what I need, and what I want. 

If you’re like me, it may be hard to convince yourself you’re worth spending money or taking time just for you, but I’m here to tell you that you are. Your mental and emotional health matter. You can’t do anything well in life – including taking care of others, if that’s a part of your life – without your own internal strength and health. Doing a retreat like this makes you better in so many ways and is a way to ensure you’re set up for success in other areas of your life (work, relationships, etc.). This has sincerely been the best investment I’ve made in myself and will continue to do in the future. If I can feel that way, I firmly believe you can, too.

If you’re feeling like this sounds cheesy or taboo, I’d encourage you to think about a time when you saw someone so depleted mentally, physically, or emotionally. There is usually not much you can do for another person in those circumstances. The best you can do is encourage them to rest and take care of themselves. Maybe you can do something that will cheer them up or you can help them with an act of service, but otherwise, it’s up to them entirely to make a change or decision for them to feel rejuvenated. Consider a solo retreat as doing exactly that. It’s proactive self-care to preserve all the areas of a person’s life and relationships. That’s not taboo – that’s the key to a joyful, healthy life.

Now that you understand why this is an important practice to consider in your life (during the seasons in which you find this possible…I know it won’t be possible for everyone based on circumstances outside of their control)…let’s talk about how to make it happen with my best tips.

1. Plan to be in an environment where you know you can relax. You need to be in a space where you don’t feel pressured to do things for other people and where you feel you have the space to do what you want. This also includes a place where you don’t need to worry about your safety, what you look like, or what’s going on around you. For me, this is a cabin in the mountains where it’s a quiet and connected to nature. I love to spend time outside (even on a porch) and look at the mountains. I make sure that I have privacy since I live in a city and breathing fresh air on this retreat is important to me – that’s where I feel I can be most myself. If you’re on a budget, maybe this is a staycation for you. My only ask is that you find somewhere you can find and feel peace.

2. Plan ahead to be offline and unavailable. Give people a heads up that you will be out of the office and unreachable during this time. Don’t plan on taking work calls or anything similar during this time. In order to fully relax, you will need to know that you’re not obligated or responsible to follow-up or act on any commitments. This is totally acceptable, as long as you give people some notice. If needed, let people know who they should contact if they need something (i.e. your manager, a teammate, your partner, etc.). I’d also recommend communicating once in a while (each day, every few days, etc.) with someone in your life to let them know you’re okay, even if you’re not responsive otherwise. This is for your safety. Outside of that, focus on you, put the phone down, leave the work devices at home, and get to know what you’re thinking and feeling. 

3. Bring or plan activities to balance creativity with rest. You will want to use this time to be centered around resting. But did you know that there are seven different types of rest? Once you learn a little bit about what each of those are, plan activities accordingly to help you get the absolute most from your retreat. Last year, I read two books in a day and journaled a little bit. This year, I read a book, built a Lego set, painted a paint by number set, built a campfire, watched my two favorite movies, and journaled a ton. I did activities that I loved, kept me busy (but not too busy nor anything that required me to be “productive), and allowed my mind to wander. Determine what types of rest you want/need to focus on and bring activities with you accordingly. (And you don’t have to use them all…but don’t just let yourself sit there without anything to do. That’s not helpful if you’re doing a multi-day retreat…boredom is only good in small doses.)
   
   (Note: I have stayed in the cabin for my retreats, but if you go to a place where there are activities, feel free to go and do that! I have needed the peace of being in one place, but if you want to go do something or go out to eat, I encourage you to do that. Do what’s right for you.)

4. Start with an open mind. It can be very challenging to not subscribe to the busy life that many of us are engaged in on a daily basis. Instead of thinking about the slow pace during your retreat as a challenge, consider it a gift. It’s a chance for you to reset, get in-tune with what you’re really feeling, and ponder what you want to do differently in your life. When you have the margin and space in your schedule to not be in the grind, amazing things can happen. Each day of my retreat this year, I prayer for about an hour (or more) to focus on what my relationship with God. During those prayers, I asked God to show me whatever He wanted to. He delivered on that with a powerful image (that I may write about at a later time) that only made sense to me because I was ready to receive a message from Him and opened my heart to it. When we pause, we have an awesome chance to experience the world around us in a way we might not be open to otherwise. Use your solo retreat for that.

5. Do whatever you want whenever you want to do it…literally. This was a novel concept to me. I’ve lived a life where I’ve at least felt obligated to answer a text, do a chore, or accomplish a work task every day. My first solo retreat was the very first time I felt like I could literally do anything I wanted when I wanted. It was freeing. I was unchained from the weight of needing to please or serve others and gave myself permission to take care of myself. Although I love being connected to others on a daily basis, I didn’t realize how badly I needed this freedom once in a while. It made me realize how much I love supporting others, but not when it became a chore or obligation. When I could do whatever I wanted, I let myself…I slept in, ate when I got hungry (even at weird hours of the day), changed books, music, or tasks whenever I felt like I wanted to. I didn’t need to explain myself to anyone. I loved it. And this is one of the main reasons I feel solo retreats are a non-negotiable for me moving forward – I have embraced that it’s okay to put my needs and desires first once in a while.

6. Journal and reflect. Like I mentioned before, this is a dedicated time where you’ve created margin for you to think, reflect, and use brain power you normally don’t have (or don’t have time) for. The goal of this experience is never for you to have all of the answers to the big questions you’re pondering in life, but it should be to start to ask the right questions. The hope isn’t to be productive in this way, but it is to get in touch with yourself, how you’re doing, and what you want. 
   
   On my last retreat, I was a month into a very challenging season, and my friend gave me the encouragement that it’s okay to want the answers about where I’m headed next (because I was eager for them at the time) but I should break it down into smaller questions like “What do I need right now?”, “What do I want in five years?”, and “What do I want/need in my day-to-day life now to get through this hard time?” After she gave me that advice, I made a running list of the questions I wanted to ask myself, and then spent time writing down thoughts to each question as my retreat continued. It was so helpful to get my thoughts and feelings on paper, and at a pace that felt natural to me. From a big picture perspective, I had a better grasp on where I was and what I wanted long-term than I felt I did before the retreat. I didn’t have all the answers and am still struggling through that transitional period, but I am grounded in knowing the kind of life I want and am working towards it in my daily choices. 

I could give you a play-by-play on my solo retreats, but in reality, it should look different for each person based on what they need and what best serves them in a particular season. No matter what, I am a firm believer that everyone deserves self-care in a way that not only is something that helps us in hard times, but helps us live our best lives, no matter what we’re going through. 

If your kind of self-care does not include a solo retreat as described above, I encourage you to find it in daily life otherwise. Maybe you can create better boundaries with social media and your phone, pursue therapy in-person or online, planning one day a week after work to relax, take a day off to do whatever you would like (with no plans/obligations to others), and/or avoid apologizing for doing things you love. Whatever it looks like in your life, know that you are worth all of the love and care you can give yourself – just as much as you probably give to others. Now it’s time you act on that and build the life you’ve dreamed of. Will you join me in making self-care a normal part of your routine?