We all have seasons that hand us challenges in unexpected ways. Most of us have gotten knocked down by situations or circumstances that are out of our control, and sometimes just as often, we can make our lives harder than they should be. In the midst of it all, there are also tremendous blessings and celebrations found in every corner of life that keep us going. They are the light in the darkness, the breath in our lungs, and the beating of our hearts. They are the beacon that allow us to move forward. But without darkness, the light and its impact are not as powerful. We experience both in life – the highs and lows – and that’s what makes it all so special.

In transparency, 2022 was a year of thick darkness for me. There were quite a few situations and tough lessons that hit me in the gut. It was a crash course in life. I share this because it’s important to remember that we all go through hard seasons and that we will get through them. And right now, I know that many of us are wrestling with tough circumstances as we’re in a complex time, recalibrating after a global pandemic. I’m coming out of one of these challenging seasons right now, and writing this blog post is helping me on the journey of healing and moving towards the light. And my hope is that it’s a little bit of that for you (or someone you know) as you read it, too.

Although it felt like the hardest year I’ve ever had, I find gratitude in what I’ve learned and gained from the challenges and rest in trusting it’s all a part of a bigger plan. I’ve listed some of the lessons below and the tangible things that allowed me to get through such a hard year. I hope that it resonates or encourages you or someone in your life. So buckle up, let’s get into it.

(Some of) What I Learned:

• Anxiety can show up in mean ways in your body, and if your health is suffering, check yourself mentally, as well as physically.
• You cannot save or rescue anyone or anything. It’s not your responsibility to. You can only take ownership for you and your life. Instead of trying to save someone/thing, pray a lot.
• No one will take care of your health if you don’t. Don’t let anyone (even your boss) convince you to put other things first in moments you’re not well. 
• Even when things feel like they’re going wrong everywhere in your life, you can still be generous and kind to others. This is where your true character shines.
• Growth is not a straight line up. You will move forward and backward, but what matters is that the average of your behaviors and steps is moving forward. Be patient on the journey.
• Your identity is not in your job or work. Make time for what matters most in your life – for me, it’s relationships, faith, joy, and purpose. (Notice that work isn’t on that list.)
• Burnout is real. When you’re feeling it, make a change quickly. That doesn’t mean you have to quit your job, but figure out what you can alter in your life to get on a better path as soon as you can. 
• God is the same in the darkness as He is in the light. His integrity is always there, and even when I can’t understand what’s going on or why, I can trust in His power, providence, and plan. Praying “Thy will be done” helps me surrender.
• I can do anything I set my mind to…including a hard diet I never thought I could actually do. And wow, I eat too much sugar on a normal basis. (Working on it!)
• I’m really good at judging things by compartmentalizing things into a “good” and “bad” category in my head. I’ve always thought I wasn’t judgmental, but I’m quick to claim someone is a good/bad driver, manager, etc. based on few actions. (Working on this, too.)
• When we help, sometimes it’s viewed as or is coming from a subconscious place of wanting to take control. We have to ask ourselves, “Whose best interest are we protecting when we are helping?” To quote Anne Lammott, “Help is the sunny side of control,” meaning that we should be trying to walk alongside others rather than selfishly taking control. (Yikes. This hurts as a people pleaser and helper.)

How I Got Through It:

• Coaching:
  • The what: I started seeing a coach through an online platform provided by my employer. I went to her knowing I was struggling and wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. She helped me realize that I’ve been putting others first in my life and had no compass to understand who I am, what I need, or what I want. Through some work for months, we defined my personal values, set some long overdue boundaries, and grew my self-awareness. I use these tools weekly, if not daily, and this was one of the biggest lessons and accomplishments of my year.
  • Hear this: It’s okay to ask for help. Therapy and coaching are instrumental in mental well-being, especially when you’re experiencing significant life changes, anxiety, and/or depression. 
• Books & Podcasts:
  • The what: I spent a large amount of time this year listening to podcasts and reading books about a range of topics, from healthy relationship habits to boundaries to time management. I firmly felt like I heard some life-changing and life-giving advice and information through these means this year. Although I didn’t read all the time, when I felt up to it, reading usually made me feel better and gave me hope in building a life I’m proud of and excited about, even though everything felt heavy.
  • Hear this: Find books, podcasts, and other resources that help you build the life you want and lead you to the light, even when the darkness feels like it’s overcome you. And don’t put pressure on yourself to make big changes right away – make small changes that you can handle and make note of what you want to do in the future. One step at a time.
    • Podcasts I loved: “Unlocking Us” by Brene Brown, “ReThinking” by Adam Grant, “A Bit of Optimism” by Simon Sinek
    • Books I loved: Dream Big by Bob Goff, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab, Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, How Are You Really? By Jenna Kutcher, Christy Wright’s 2022 Goal Planner, Embrace the Almost by Jordan Lee Dooley, I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet by Shauna Niequest, Take Back Your Time by Christy Wright, monthly SheReadsTruth devotional & study books
• Setting Boundaries:
  • The what: I have spent so much of my life trying to please other people and it finally caught up to me this year when I couldn’t take it anymore. I hit severe burnout and had growing resentment in some of my relationships, so I knew something had to change. I worked on this with my coach and read books about setting boundaries, and I instantly felt lighter and improvement in my well-being. This is a continuous learning journey for me, so I will keep working on this in the years to come. 
  • Hear this: You’re allowed to set boundaries, even if it feels like it’s years after they should’ve been set. And the people who love and respect you the most will follow those boundaries. The people who are inconvenienced from the boundaries won’t like them…but that means the boundaries are doing their job of protecting you. And even though it may not feel like it sometimes, you can walk away from something you love wholeheartedly. There is a season for everything, and sometimes it’s a season of starting over.
• “No Phone Days”:
  • The what: I decided that in between jobs, I was going to spend a day or so without my phone on. It wasn’t until I did this for the first time that I realized how much I constantly feel obligated to “be on” for other people or to do things for others, even when I don’t feel up to it. During my “no phone days,” I turn my phone off all day, do what I want to do, pray, and rest. That’s it. If I have something major that needs to be communicated about, I do it before/after and give folks a heads up that I won’t be responsive for that day. I’d like to make this a monthly rhythm, but for now, once every couple of months has been incredible.
  • Hear this: When’s the last time you spent a day doing literally anything that you want to do? (Not what you need to do…but what you really wanted.) If you’re like me, you don’t spend enough time doing that nor understanding what you want/need. Take a day every month or so and turn your phone off so you can rest and get to know yourself. If you can’t do a full day, try it for a few hours. You’ll feel amazing, lighter, and freer. And for what it’s worth…you can answer the text or email whenever you want to – you’re not obligated to respond in a certain amount of time (or ever).
• Relying on Friends & Family:
  • The what: Because I don’t live near a lot of my closest friends, I made an intentional effort to see friends for weekend trips or amongst work travels because I know that my relationships are what give me the most life and light. In addition, I had to start getting really honest with myself, my closest friends, and my boyfriend about what I was feeling and experiencing. As someone who knows what it’s like to go through anxiety and depression, I am well aware that sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can be hard. What’s harder is not saying those things out loud – whether it’s with friends, family, a coach or a therapist. Your loved ones want to support you, even if they don’t know how. Do your best to communicate with them about what you’re feeling, especially when it impacts your relationship(s), and what you need from them. I am so deeply grateful to my best friends and boyfriend for being there for me in a tough year. Although they didn’t “fix” anything I went through, they have made me feel human, seen, and cared for, and that’s all I could ever ask for.
  • Hear this: It’s hard to admit that you’re not okay or that you need something from someone else, especially when you’re a people pleaser. Rest assured that people will love you for you, even on the tough days, and that they want to see you be well. So if that means they can help you with something, ask. We are not designed to do life alone, so don’t try. You are so loved by your friends, family, loved ones, and God. Lean into that. It will set you free. 
• Practicing Self-Compassion:
  • The what: I lost a close family member in 2022. I left my “dream job” for another one that felt like an incredible opportunity. I faced anxiety and depression. I experienced significant health issues. My relationship with my boyfriend got more serious. I was adjusting to a post-COVID world. There was a LOT happening. My coach worked with me on practicing self-compassion and acknowledging that it was okay to feel heavy with all of this going on. All I could do is be kind to myself and give myself grace that I wasn’t going to get it right all the time…I just had to try my best, even if my best felt like failing at times. My coach encouraged me to write myself a letter about how it made sense I was feeling everything I was feeling. Seeing it on paper and her reading it to me made me cry. I had been mad at myself for not doing better when it felt like my world was crumbling. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your friend – with encouragement and compassion. 
  • Hear this: We sometimes have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Give yourself some grace as this world is vast and full of hard things. You won’t always nail it, so when you don’t, be proud of yourself for trying. And grief is weird and will show up in ways and at times you’d never expect. Be kind to yourself. Feel the feelings. It’s the only way through.
• Working Towards My Goals:
  • The what: I had an absurdly tough and busy first couple of months of 2022. During that time, I made a conscious effort to set goals for the year and carve out time to work on them, even when I didn’t feel like it or didn’t think I had the time to. I called a mentor to help me with some accountability, shared some of what I was doing with a few close friends so it felt “real,” and put my head down and worked diligently. Looking back on the year, this is one of the things I am most proud of. I made huge progress towards some large life goals in 2022 because I committed to it, no matter what. This means that as hard as life is, we can still pursue the life we want to have. Working on things we’re passionate about during a hard season can actually bring some light during a dark time. It kept me going and made me feel like I was positively making a contribution to something I cared about.
  • Hear this: You can always find excuses to not do something. If you really want something, you should work towards it no matter what. Make time for it. Be consistent. Get the small wins. You will thank yourself later. And it might just be a lighthouse for you in a dreary season.
• Taking the Vacation:
  • The what: In the late summer, I was processing a lot of feelings and changes, and felt like I couldn’t actually do that in my suburban apartment. I knew that I needed to spend some time in nature, and as a mountain fan, my gut told me I had to go to the mountains and spend some time in a cabin by myself for a few days. I needed to reset, recharge, and focus on myself and spend some time in God’s presence. I went back and forth about this trip for a few days, and realized that my gut is rarely wrong…and this was no different. I had a phenomenal time in solitude in the middle of the mountains by myself, read two books in one day, did a ton of reflecting, and just let myself “be.” I felt so alive and light after this trip and realized I need to do this every year or twice a year. I need my time in nature, but even more, I need my time without obligation to others so I can really become self-aware and rest.
  • Hear this: If you’re thinking about taking a vacation, but don’t think work can handle it without you for a few days/weeks…take the time off. Book the vacation. Disconnect from the internet and others and go to find yourself. Work will be there when you get back, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be. The rest is worth it, no matter how much you might try to convince yourself otherwise. (The Ouachitas Mountains in Oklahoma are a great place to do this if you live in the middle of the country like me.)

Although I think I will feel bitter towards all that 2022 threw at me for a little longer, I am forever grateful for how much I have grown in the past twelve months. Without the challenges, I couldn’t have improved my self-confidence, self-awareness, relationships, and life balance. I am on my way to becoming the person I’m meant to be and the person I want to be. I hope you’re on that journey too, even if it might not be the same path.

I hope the above tools, resources, and practices can help you or someone you know going through a hard time. Although the hard times are dark, there is always light, and as Martin Luther King Jr. said, “…only light can [drive out darkness]”. Let’s find the light in 2023.