2018: Sheesh. What a year.

When a meme reminds you that an Olympics happened this year (don’t worry, I forgot, too), on top of the political ruckus, societal and economic roller coasters, agricultural hardships, global violence, and harsh environmental tragedies, you can’t help but think, “How has it only been 12 months?” and sigh a little bit. I’m with you there. It’s been tough in so many ways.

In reflection of this year and looking forward to a fresh start in 2019, I’m not going to sit here and tell you everything will be okay with sunshine and rainbows. This year showed us that there’s a lot to work on and to improve in 2019 for us collectively as a global society, as well as individually in our own ways.

However, what I will share with you is one thing that I’ve learned this year that I think is critical for us to remember as we face uncertainty, struggles, and roadblocks ahead: it’s not about what happens to us, but it’s about how we respond; it’s not about what we do, but it’s about how we do it and how we show up; it’s not about the challenges we face, but it’s about who we lean on in times of trouble.

For me in 2018, this meant learning to accept how my life was going. For example, I didn’t start my first “big kid” job until almost a year after graduating from college, and it seemed like something wasn’t right – either with me or where my career was headed. What I learned from that experience isn’t the fact that I got a job later than many of my peers, but it’s the fact that I waited for the right fit in something that would challenge me. And every day in that job, I decide to show up ready to give it 100%, even when I feel uncomfortable. Doing this has taught me to show up consistently (even when it doesn’t feel easy) and ready to go. I don’t tell you this to say I’m doing this totally right, but I share this with you as it’s taught me an immense amount already since March. This concept has been instrumental in my development thus far, as it applies to every area of life for all of us.

Again, it’s not about what we do, but it’s about how we do it. Showing up every day, ready to give something your all will pay off and will build your brand as someone others can count on. I challenge you to remember this in your jobs, personal lives, and communities around you.  Remind yourself to think long-term benefit over short-term feelings or comfort – that’s what really counts.

Another huge learning for me in 2018 was about friendships. I’m incredibly independent, almost to a fault at times, and think I can handle anything life throws at me on my own (except with a few texts to my parents with random questions and some prayers to God). In all honesty, I’ve had a very hard time with having deep, sincere friendships with people throughout college and beyond because I think I can take care of myself, and that I am “low-maintenance” enough to not need to keep up with friends every day to know that we’re friends. It’s something I used to pride myself on since life felt so busy for everyone and that I didn’t need to inconvenience my friends with time for/with me. However, what I learned is that this idea of doing life on my own and only reaching out to friends when it feels “convenient” or “necessary” is quite unhealthy. I felt lonely and like I didn’t know who to turn to in celebratory and challenging times.

After a lot of self-reflection and learning from others, I decided to prioritize my friendships and pick a handful of friends whom I’d invest in thoughtfully and consistently. I wrote their names on my wall under a question that reads “How have you poured into these people this week?”, reminding me that a short, simple text message, a note in the mail, or a quick phone call will not only give them some love, but give me the love I need in return. I’m certainly not perfect at this, and I have a long way’s to go, but I’ve taught myself to stop thinking that friendships are supposed to be easy on both sides. I’ve reminded myself that genuine friends want to make time for you, no matter how busy times seem. It has been so refreshing and life-giving to keep in better touch with my friends, let them know that I’m reprioritizing our friendship(s), and share some deeper, tougher parts of our lives together. This season of life has been tough for me in many ways, but being intentional about who I lean on has been instrumental at getting me through this. I’m so thankful for the love of my friends and for them teaching me that it’s okay to share all of life with them, not just the glamourous and easy parts. It’s not only about who we can lean on, but it’s also about how we show up for those people when things aren’t as hard. Being consistent in how we care for and love our friends says more about us than we can imagine. If you think about it, no one wants to be known as “that friend who only reaches out when he/she needs something,” so be the friend who asks, “What more can I do for my friends?” throughout the weeks, months, and year.

Consider this: think about people whom you admire and respect in your life. You most likely respect them because they’re someone you can count on – either because they’ve stepped up to the plate at a time when you needed them to or they’ve been there time and time again in whatever way you wanted or needed them to be. I’d encourage you to do this for others – the people you work with, your family, your friends, your communities, etc. Not only is this going to teach you invaluable lessons and give you strength, but it will give you so much more depth, love, sincerity, and connectedness in life. And believe me, it’s worth every little bit of effort.

Yes, 2018 has been a whirlwind, and in a lot of not-so-great ways. We can only hope that 2019 will be better, in small and large ways alike. I encourage you to remember that it’s not what happens to us, but how we respond. Let’s show up in times when people don’t expect us to in ways that fill their hearts with joy and pride, and let’s show up when the people around us need us the most. It’s not just about the good times, but life’s about the harder times, too.

As Garth Brooks reminds us in “The Dance,” if we miss the pain and challenges in life, we’d miss the joys of it, too. Life’s a dance, and I hope you’re dancing alongside some pretty awesome people.

Here’s to a new year of good health, learning, and happiness (and some good tunes, like “The Dance”).